Trix in the City: Austin Warrior Dash 2011

I'm here to tell you that this past Warrior Dash was the muddiest and hardest one yet! If they had had the first one at this location (it was originally scheduled here... but got moved last minute)... I don't think I would have competed in another one. As you all know I am not the most active person alive... but I'm not totally lazy either. And I had actually been working out a lot lately (aside from the last few weeks prior to this... which could have been my downfall). But OMG! This course was nothing but hills... up... down... up... down... up... down. And not only that... but they were slick as snot! Ugh. My dumb ass decided to wear my Reebok EasyTone sneakers. Why you ask? Because they are black and they matched my outfit! These are those shoes that have the balls on the bottom which are supposed to help tone your legs. They made running up and down slick hills a little more difficult. But the real test was walking across the 2x4 6 feet from the ground. I was shaking so bad I thought I was going to piss myself! But anyway... that wasn't even the worst part of it. The worst part of it was the not one but FOUR FUCKING MUD PITS! The first being the worst. It was like quicksand mud... if there is such a thing. I could feel the force of the mud trying eagerly to pull my shoes from my feet. So I had to walk on my heels pointing my toes up just to make it through! Good thing I tied those suckers on tight! Poor Kristy had an even harder time getting through as the mud pit literally did suck up her foot! The only way for her to escape would have been to leave her shoes in the pit. Considering this was the first obstacle that really wasn't an ideal option. Luckily a sweet man came from behind... stuck he arm down in the knee deep mud bath... grabbed Kristy's foot and released her from the brown monster! After that it was all downhill (and I don't mean the coarse was all downhill). You see once we got out of the mud pit it was like we had each added 50 lbs to our calves. OMG! It was miserable. But we forged ahead. Of course there were the easy standard obstacles that we breezed through. The second mud pit was more like a very dirty lake... until the end when you had to try to climb up a steep slippery hill... as you can imagine most of us fell back down into the lake... they really should have had a camera at this one. Kristy and I opted to walk around the vertical cargo crawl... as I HATE this obstacle and all that comes from it is more bruises than I can count. And I don't regret it either. Then of course we had to crawl under crap with rocks and twigs digging into our knees (note to self... next year wear knee pads)! Then a shit ton more walking. I think about 45 minutes into it people from the next heat started to pass us... oh well. Then we saw a wall... a GIANT wall that they expected us to climb over with a rope! I'm not mother fucking Tarzan... so I didn't see that happening. I'm deathly afraid of heights... so in the off chance that I was able to make it up the wall... I'm pretty sure I would have frozen on the top and not been able to get down... so yes... I skipped yet another obstacle! For shame! Eventually we made it to the final mud pit. I actually enjoyed this one a little. It was a little too deep to crawl through so I had to do more of a doggy paddle to get through it. Little did I know I was kicking mud all up on Lu. She was not to happy and started to retaliate by throwing mud clots at me... and the crowd eagerly cheered her on. I really didn't mind until we were actually out of the pit and she saved a handful of mud and pelted me right on the side of my head. Nice... real nice... especially considering I paid her damn entry fee. Aargh. In the end we all survived. We got many many compliments on our Thanksgiving themed costumes... but were all too tired to stick around to see if we won. But that's OK... I've got grand ideas for next year (which will NOT include tutu's)!!!