Trix in the City

My Web Page

2012-01-27T10:59:00.001-06:00

I can't say how long I've been paying for www.trixinthecity.com... but it's been a while now. However it seems as though I'm too lazy to take the time to turn that page into a blog. When I look at other blogs I'm amazed at the talented, creative people out there... and fear that I can not compete. Well not that it's a competition... not like I blog for a living or anything... if that was the case I would most certainly be blogging from a cardboard box under 59. But maybe it's time to start using the site that I actually pay for every month.

So I ask... do any of you have master web design skills that you'd want to help me to get my blog rolling??? I promise to serve you delicious food & beverage while you teach!!

Dixie on Crack

2012-01-11T10:24:00.000-06:00

Also known as Cat Nip! Unfortunately I didn't have my phone handy when she was doing extreme acrobatics... but I was able to catch one barrel roll! All I can say is apparently the nip makes the demons come out in Dixie's tail. I couldn't quite see it but it is obvious that it was tormenting her!!

Forever (Never Gonna Happen) Lazy

2012-01-06T11:03:00.002-06:00

I'm sorry but the day I see a group of MEN and women wearing these to tailgate before a ball game is the day I will go and buy myself a pair in every color! The commercials are quite comical though.

https://www.orderforeverlazy.com/

Holy Batman!

2011-12-30T10:30:00.000-06:00

WATCH OUT! Cuz the Joker is back in town!

They probably spent more on the paint job than the Cadi.

I didn't check but I'm pretty sure they roof was even painted!

Ya think there is a Joker 1 out there?

Gotham City Baby

Just Call it The Stub

2011-12-28T07:50:00.003-06:00

Day 89. What I have now is a STUB! I have really long nail beds... so when my nail is this short it looks like I've got a bald finger or something. But I guess all in all I shouldn't complain... could have been much worse. The nail is growing back pretty wonky though. Half of the nail didn't die... so half of it is still my old nail. The other half... gone... all new... except for one little piece in the upper left corner (if you're looking at this picture). Luckily I discovered this Shattered look by OPI. I can wear any color underneath... then I put the shattered coat over it and it crackles. It's the only polish I've found that can camouflage my deformed nail that is growing back in. But at least I still have some nail left! Now it's just a waiting game for it all to grow out once again... hopefully it will come in much smoother next time!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T01:23:00.000-06:00

Love, Trix & Dixie

Yes... I pet her...

2011-12-22T15:29:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I've stepped back in time for you all... so today I've decided to share with you one of my more embarrassing moments.

Back in my younger days when my friends and I would go out typically at least one person would be crashing at my place (as I'm the city girl and for some unknown reason they all lived out of the loop). Well back then I only had a one bedroom apartment. So... if someone stayed over they were either sleeping with me (no worries... I had a queen size)... or they were couching it. As you can imagine the couch didn't get used a lot.

This particular night my friend Diane and I had been out boozing it up. Diane and I were friends... but I wouldn't say she was one of my closest friends.... which makes this story THAT much more embarrassing. So after the stuffing our faces with Whataburger we made it back to my casa. Well being unattached at the time I really wasn't used to anyone else sleeping in my bed with me... other than my cat Muffin. Muffin went through phases of where she liked to sleep. She'd find a spot... and that would be her spot for a couple months til she got bored with it and wanted something new. Some of her chosen locations... at the foot of the bed... curled up behind my knees... under the covers (ala the spoon) and on my pillow above my head like a hat. Well during this particular time period the chosen spot was on the pillow next to me. After a couple weeks I had gotten into the habit of throwing my hand over there and petting her while she slept. It wasn't a conscious thing... it just happened. Well obviously on that night Muffin had to scout out a new location because Diane's head was laying on her coveted pillow. No biggie... Muffin didn't mind sharing me with humans... just not other cats. At some point during the evening my ritual petting began... and when I woke up I was literally petting Diane's head! I swear I almost shit myself I was so freaked out! I quickly withdrew my hand from her head and surveyed the situation. Lucky for me Diane was out cold. She didn't even flinch when I was petting her... thank goodness!

So after that I rolled to my other side and tucked my hands between my legs to keep them at bay. I had a really hard time getting back to sleep that night. My mind just kept wandering wondering if she actually was awake and was just faking sleep because she was totally freaked out too and didn't know what to do. However eventually I was able to drift back to sleep.

The next morning after we both woke up I asked how she slept... she said good. Then I just kinda gave her the eye trying to figure out if she knew or not. Finally I just had to ask. So I said... so did you feel anything weird last night? She's like no, why? I said because I woke up in the middle of the night and I was petting your head! Luckily she didn't turn and run and think I was some super freak... but we both got a really good laugh out of it!

There Comes a Point...

2011-12-21T11:45:00.002-06:00

There comes a point in your life when you realize...

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore....
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

This couldn't be more true. I am fortunate to have some of the most wonderful friends a person can have. Some I've known my entire life... My Mom, Sister & Brother. Some I have known most of my life... Beth, Julie & Vickie. Some I have known for many years... Amy, AJ, Bonnie, Carlos, Carol, Chris C, Chris D, Gail, Harry, Heather, Jeanne, Jenny, Kristy, Lu, Mike, Paige, Rhonda & Tracie. Some I was blessed to have born into my life... Emily & Lily. And some I've only known a handful of years or less... Amanda, Brad, Chelsea, Christine, Daric, Darlene, Jack, Jackie, Jerry, Jessica, Les, Lindsey & Ting. But no matter how long I've known you I love each and everyone of you and want you to know that YOU will ALWAYS matter to me!

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Can't wait to spend many more joyous time together!! Cheers!!

My First Bull Ride... Oh Lordie!

2011-12-20T10:33:00.003-06:00

One of my best friends... Mike... hosted a Holiday Pub Crawl in Dallas this past weekend. I can't even express to you how much fun we had... oh how I love love love my Dallas friends!! Along the way we stopped at the Trophy Room because of the bull they had out front. Many of us rode the bull... here's my go at it! I clearly did not last long... I believe it was 13 seconds to be exact (I can get the video to save so I'll have to get back to you with that)!

The Bull

Signing my life away

Holding on tight

First a pretty pose

And it's all downhill from here!

Self Potraits

2011-12-18T09:25:00.000-06:00

And this is why I should NOT take pictures of myself! Can you say CHEEZY?? However they are somewhat decent... I had to redeem myself somewhat after posting The Many Faces of Trix n Lily!!

The Many Faces of Trix n Lily

2011-12-16T09:16:00.000-06:00

Just calling it bonding between an aunt and her niece. I don't know why... but whenever Lily and I are hanging out together we like to take goofy pictures of ourselves. Then we go back and look at them over and over and laugh about how silly we are. Like I said before... Like Aunt... Like Niece! Love you Lily!!

No Bitchassness Presents...

2011-12-14T10:43:00.000-06:00

And this is why I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!

Austin Warrior Dash 2011

2011-12-13T10:51:00.001-06:00

I'm here to tell you that this past Warrior Dash was the muddiest and hardest one yet! If they had had the first one at this location (it was originally scheduled here... but got moved last minute)... I don't think I would have competed in another one. As you all know I am not the most active person alive... but I'm not totally lazy either. And I had actually been working out a lot lately (aside from the last few weeks prior to this... which could have been my downfall). But OMG! This course was nothing but hills... up... down... up... down... up... down. And not only that... but they were slick as snot! Ugh. My dumb ass decided to wear my Reebok EasyTone sneakers. Why you ask? Because they are black and they matched my outfit! These are those shoes that have the balls on the bottom which are supposed to help tone your legs. They made running up and down slick hills a little more difficult. But the real test was walking across the 2x4 6 feet from the ground. I was shaking so bad I thought I was going to piss myself! But anyway... that wasn't even the worst part of it. The worst part of it was the not one but FOUR FUCKING MUD PITS! The first being the worst. It was like quicksand mud... if there is such a thing. I could feel the force of the mud trying eagerly to pull my shoes from my feet. So I had to walk on my heels pointing my toes up just to make it through! Good thing I tied those suckers on tight! Poor Kristy had an even harder time getting through as the mud pit literally did suck up her foot! The only way for her to escape would have been to leave her shoes in the pit. Considering this was the first obstacle that really wasn't an ideal option. Luckily a sweet man came from behind... stuck he arm down in the knee deep mud bath... grabbed Kristy's foot and released her from the brown monster! After that it was all downhill (and I don't mean the coarse was all downhill). You see once we got out of the mud pit it was like we had each added 50 lbs to our calves. OMG! It was miserable. But we forged ahead. Of course there were the easy standard obstacles that we breezed through. The second mud pit was more like a very dirty lake... until the end when you had to try to climb up a steep slippery hill... as you can imagine most of us fell back down into the lake... they really should have had a camera at this one. Kristy and I opted to walk around the vertical cargo crawl... as I HATE this obstacle and all that comes from it is more bruises than I can count. And I don't regret it either. Then of course we had to crawl under crap with rocks and twigs digging into our knees (note to self... next year wear knee pads)! Then a shit ton more walking. I think about 45 minutes into it people from the next heat started to pass us... oh well. Then we saw a wall... a GIANT wall that they expected us to climb over with a rope! I'm not mother fucking Tarzan... so I didn't see that happening. I'm deathly afraid of heights... so in the off chance that I was able to make it up the wall... I'm pretty sure I would have frozen on the top and not been able to get down... so yes... I skipped yet another obstacle! For shame! Eventually we made it to the final mud pit. I actually enjoyed this one a little. It was a little too deep to crawl through so I had to do more of a doggy paddle to get through it. Little did I know I was kicking mud all up on Lu. She was not to happy and started to retaliate by throwing mud clots at me... and the crowd eagerly cheered her on. I really didn't mind until we were actually out of the pit and she saved a handful of mud and pelted me right on the side of my head. Nice... real nice... especially considering I paid her damn entry fee. Aargh. In the end we all survived. We got many many compliments on our Thanksgiving themed costumes... but were all too tired to stick around to see if we won. But that's OK... I've got grand ideas for next year (which will NOT include tutu's)!!!

The Turkey Basters!
Kneeling (L-R): Jenny, Trix, Christine
Standing (L-R): Amanda, Lindsey, Kristy, Lu & Brad

Amanda our token Indian Warrior

Action Shot... I always run for the camera!

See... running again... only happened 3 times!

Pilgrim Lu

Pilgrim Lindsey

Amanda again

Pilgrim Trix

Gobble gobble Brad

Pilgrim Jenny

Pilgrim Kristy

At the FINISH LINE!!

RIP Tutu's... we will NEVER be wearing you again!!!!!!!

Day 55...

2011-11-26T10:25:00.001-06:00

Well turns out... I got a little too excited... a little too soon... because I WAS WRONG!! Seems my busted up finger nail is saying adios amigo! There is a new nail in town and it's pushing it's way in. This discovery came as I was picking off a shitty Shellac polish job that I got this past Sunday. I know it's bad to pick that stuff off but it was all chipping off and I didn't have any acetone to take it off properly. When I got to my bad nail I started to notice that as I picked at it... it wasn't bruised underneath anymore... which got me picking at it even harder. Then I finally realize that I was actually picking off my dead nail along with the polish. Oops! Luckily it did not hurt as I was just picking off the dead nail and the bruise. Below is as far as I got... doesn't look like the new nail has grown past that point. So now I just have to be patient and wait... and invest in A LOT of bandaids to cover up my disgusting nail until it's finished... Ugh!!! I'll update you in a month or so. But in the meantime I've got a lot of back dated posts I need to get crackin' on!

Day 25...

2011-10-25T07:20:00.000-05:00

Well it's looking like I won't lose my fingernail! Hallalujah!! Of course I've never lost a fingernail before so I guess it's still possible. As you can see they bruise has moved down from above my cuticle and is now all underneath the nail. It's not tender anymore either. It's just really fucking ugly! Luckily it's now fall so I can wear my favorite OPI color (Lincoln Park After Dark)... which completely covers it up. However... I don't like to constantly wear polish on my fingers... they are weak enough as it is... so gotta let me breath on occassion. So sorry if I see you before this Friday and you have to look at it!

HELP... From my fellow bloggers!!

2011-10-19T19:16:00.002-05:00

So... does anyone know how my blog posts end up on someone else's blog? I've had this happen twice now. I didn't really pay much attention the first time because I didn't get any response from it (and honestly I just figured the company that posted it was googling their name for reviews... which I gave them a good one... so I didn't mind). However I did this time... which was pretty unsettling... but that has all been straightened out now. But when I was browsing through my stat counter and notice people coming to me from another blog I clicked on it and there was MY post. What the hell? I'm perfectly content with you... my 20 readers... my family and friends being the only people who care to read my blog. I do not care to have more attention than that... well OK so maybe I don't mind a little attention... but only if it's good attention... not bad attention!! Yikes! After reading my last post I have to admit that my vagueness in it could have been taken the wrong way... if you didn't know me!! Anyone that does know me (who are generally the only people who read it)... would know that the most scandalous thing that could have possibly happened was me making a gigantic ass of myself because I'm a giant dork and have no problem discussing unlady like topics (you know farting, pooping, etc).

Anyway... any of you more tech savvy bloggers know if there's anyway that I can block people from doing that? And if I can't... do you know how I can put it on mine... so that if anyone mentions Trix in the City on their blogs I will know about it!!

Mucho Grassy Ass!!

Tribeca Film Festival... On the Road

2011-10-18T12:31:00.002-05:00

I can't say that I take advantage of many of the benefits that come to me through my Amex, other than getting into the Continental Presidents Club. But now that they've cancelled that option maybe that's why I've started looking at other reasons to keep it (well the Platinum card anyway). One such benefit came to me recently which was being able to buy tickets for The Tribeca Film Festival (currently on the road doing premiers in different cities). Believe it or not... Houston was actually one of their stops! So I thinking that these tickets would quickly sell out I purchased a couple to some shows. I admit I really didn't read much about any of them... just picked a couple I thought I would enjoy. Then comes in Heather... she's a movie buff... especially artsy or independent type films. Since I missed her 40th Birthday party I figured who better to take along with me. And... she agreed.

I'm first going to point out that I can NOT believe how incredibly STUPID the people of Houston are. Amex set up this incredible opportunity... one that I'm not sure has EVER come to town... and they just BLEW IT OFF! I am ashamed to admit I live here with the unimpressive attendance I witnessed. But alas... their loss... our gain!

I'm not really sure why they had the screenings at The Alamo Drafthouse in West Oaks Mall (a mall that I didn't even know existed)... but they did. Maybe they should have asked me... I could have given them some better selections. Although had they I would not have gotten to see the "hurricane machine" or the full on massage table in the middle of the mall. But that is not the important stuff.

Friday night was opening night and you wouldn't believe what all $12 (yes you are reading that correctly... ONLY $12) included! This $12 not only included the movie... but also... a drink, appetizers, question/answer session with the directors, producers, actors in the film... and also an after party where we were able to actually meet above mentioned people... and basically unlimited cocktails & appetizers. WHAT? Score!!

Friday nights film was Janie Jones... written and produced by David Rosenthal and starring Abigail Breslin. To make a long story short... rock star finds out he has a kid when she's 13... he's reluctant at first... but then the father/daughter relationship starts to blossom. I loved this movie. Very heartfelt... great acting & music. I'm not going to go too deep into the movie... you just need to go see if for yourself.

Saturday night was the same situation... without the after party. We saw Don't Go Into the Woods... directed by Vincent D’Onofrio, and music composed by Sam Bisbee. This movie was described as a horror movie/musical hybrid. Yes... I was confused too... kinda thought Rocky Horror Picture Show... but not nearly as campy... and WAY better music! Really loved the music in this movie too. This picture was about a young rock band going into the woods to write some new music without the interruption of sex, drugs & technology... and as you can imagine... people do die in it. I will admit there was a bit of campiness to this one... but from what I understand it was supposed to be that way. However the music... more than made up for the cheese factor!

I wish we had been able to see more movies... unfortunately we were a little worn out from staying out so late on Friday night. Yep... I know what you're thinking... and you're totally right... Heather and I totally hung out with some of the films elite both Friday (and Saturday night). I have no photographic evidence as we wanted it that way. And I can not tell you any of their names... as they wanted it that way. But we had a lot of fun toting these fellas around town!

Boys... next time you come in town give us a heads up so that we can make sure we take you to the right places!!

Who's pimpin' now?!?!

** UPDATE**
I would like to clarify... I do not want the vagueness of the people or details that went on over the weekend to lead anyone to believe that anything unsavory happened. Just to be clear the gentlemen we hung out with were NOT MARRIED (to my knowledge)... and we were JUST HANGING OUT WITH THEM... there was NOTHING lewd or sexual going on. Heather and I were apparently entertaining enough with our extreme dorkiness... well and also we had a car and they didn't want to take a taxi! It was a completey INNOCENT weekend.
So my apologies to anyone that is friends of family for any of the names actually mentioned above... they were only mentioned because those are the films that we saw... and NOT because they were the people we were hanging out with (because they weren't)!!!

Will it... or Won't it...

2011-10-06T08:39:00.005-05:00

FALL OFF? That is the question.

Day 1

Day 3

Day 5

Tweaking

2011-09-29T10:34:00.001-05:00

This morning one of my co-workers (aka The Pusher) gave me some of her cold medicine since I forgot mine at home. Clearly this is not a good medication for me as I now have the jitters and can't stay in my seat. I've never encountered this problem before w/ over the counter medication... or the stuff that they now keep behind the counter so the Meth Junkies can't get a hold of it. But... here it is... Aleve-D Sinus and Cold. I am not looking forward to when I come down off my high this afternoon since I will probably end up comatose at my desk!!

iPhone Auto Correct?

2011-09-27T09:43:00.000-05:00

I'm just curious as to why the iPhone will not let me type some words... but has no problem with other words.

Examples:

Shit - Nope... not gonna happen... corrected to... shut or shot... every time.

Hell - Not a chance in hell... always corrected to he'll.

However... when I type pissy it corrects to PUSSY! WTF? I can't type shit or hell but it's OK with PUSSY? Really iPhone?

And FUCK... I can type fuck all day and all night and it'll never correct me!

Well I guess that's good since I do use the word fuck frequently.

My Friends... to a T!

2011-09-23T09:35:00.003-05:00

That's Your Baby?

2011-09-22T08:05:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago a couple friends and I were vacationing in Isla Mujeres. We were sitting along the beach having breakfast when we saw a woman and man walking our way. The woman was carrying a stuffed monkey that looked kinda like the ones below only it was wearing a floral dress and matching bonnet... and appeared MUCH creepier than either of these. Me, the monkey lover, of course noticed them right away and wondered where she got the monkey from. I assumed she had bought it from someone on the beach. I mean why else would a grown woman be carrying a stuffed monkey wearing a dress on the beach, right?

As you can imagine our curiosity started to grow about this monkey. I of course wanted one... regardless of it's creepiness... it was something new that I hadn't seen anyone selling in Mexico before. So along with my monkey fascination I started to assume that it was handmade on the island. As we got up from breakfast I couldn't take it anymore so I had to ask where she got it. So we approached the couple who was talking with our possible tour guide at the time. I asked if she got the monkey here. She kinda giggled and said "Oh no... this is our baby". Huh? Then she continued to tell us that it was their baby that they have had for FOUR YEARS! I know you guys probably think I make stuff up on this blog sometimes... but I swear to you I DO NOT! I've got witnesses. This woman actually told us that this stuffed monkey she was totting around was her fucking BABY! Again... Huh? So I would imagine that she carries this thing around wherever she goes. The man added that "it was a gift"... not really sure that that helped out our confusion. So anyway... we all just said "Oh" and smiled at them... turned around and walked away. We then of course tried to come up with some back stories to give reason to these strange people carrying around a stuffed monkey. But in all honesty... even the stuff we came up with might give them valid reason for 6 months to a year. But FOUR years later and they are STILL carrying this thing around referring to it as their baby? Well... they are just NUTS... CUCKOO... LOONEY TUNES!

P.S. I'm STILL kicking myself for NOT taking a picture of the happy couple and their infant!

I Can Hear Clearly Now...

2011-09-13T13:28:00.002-05:00

... The Film is Gone!!
A couple weeks ago I went to the lake for the weekend. After all the drunken festivities I realized that I might have gotten water in my ear. However it wasn't really bothering me that much so I just ignored it. Flash forward a couple weeks... it's still there... the muffled sound in my right ear. Then this past Sunday it actually got painful. So I decided I better haul my ass to an ENT before it gets infected (if it wasn't already) or before I lost all hearing in my right ear or something horrible like that.

So Monday morning I called a approved doctor with my insurance. I told the lady my symptoms and she seemed very concerned and told me to come in at 1:45 that afternoon and they would work me into the schedule. So I did. I got to the office about 1:40... the door was locked. So I peeked in the window pane and noticed a sign that said the office was closed and they would be back at 2:00. REALLY??? Why the hell did this bitch tell me to come to the office at 1:45 if they weren't even going to be back til 2:00??? Feeling: Annoyed. So I walked down the hall and asked to sit in another doctors office til they got back. So I head back down to my doctor about 1:55. Walk in and the office is already packed. There was literally 10 people waiting. Really? When does she plan to work me in? Turns out there was actually only 4 patients... the rest were wives/offspring to the patients.

So I go to check in... tell the nurse/receptionist/medical assistant/BITCH... whatever she was that I was there and she says "Oh... you're the walk-in... just have a seat and I'll get to you when I can". During this time a few other patients came in. All but two of the patients had to fill out 8 pages of paperwork. Since I was bored out of my skull... and only had 5% juice left on my phone I asked if she wanted me to go ahead and fill it out. She once again refers to me as "THE WALK-IN" and tells me she'll get to me when she can... she's still trying to work me in. I'm like really? I can't at least fill the shit out while I'm sitting her doing nothing but listening to the annoying Indian man that keeps mumble/grumbling to his wife and another guy that passed out w/in two minutes and is now snoring? I mean they didn't even have any decent magazines in there... nothing but Golf Digest and Sporting News or something like that. Alas I was shot down.

Finally when there was only one patient left in the waiting room she allows me to fill out my paper work. The last patient went in to see the doctor about 3:00... but no one else had come in since at least 2:45. I FINALLY got to see the doctor around 3:30... about 15 minutes AFTER the last guy left. Now answer me this... why didn't this bitch just schedule me for a 3:00 - 3:30 appointment to begin with? If she knew there afternoon was slammed until 3:00? Why the fuck did this bitch make me come and sit there for 2 hours for absolutely no reason? And to top it off treat me like I was just some random person that walked off the street? I don't know. But maybe I can go ask her at her cousins wedding since I now know every detail about it including the location since I had to listen to her 30 minute conversation about it.

I digress.

So... after all that bullshit I FINALLY get to see the doctor. Who was quite a character. I fill him in on my ear issue and he takes a looksie. He discovers that I have a film covering my eardrum. So he's like no problem... we'll get that right off. So he grabs this tiny metal suction type thingie and gently sticks it into my ear... and starts sucking. Well no biggie right? I mean it definitely felt awkward... but didn't really hurt or anything. Everything is going along smoothly UNTIL... he keeps repeating... "COME TO DADDY"... while trying to suck this film out of my ear. Odd? I'd say so. I had to tell him that I was having a hard time not laughing and I really didn't want him to slip and poke my eardrum out because I laughed. However that didn't stop him. He continued to talk to my ear... Come to Daddy... until the film came loose from my drum and he was able to pull it out. Which he then showed me. Lovely. I totally would have taken a picture for you... but my phone was completely dead by this time.

After my Come to Daddy operation was completed he prescribed me some ear drops and then started talking politics with me. Really? What makes you think I want to talk politics?? However it was nice to know that he was a Republican.

Oh... I almost forgot... in case you were wondering... as odd of an experience as that was... my ear is cured!! It feels fantastic to be able to hear again!!

Whoop... There IT IS!

2011-08-16T09:06:00.003-05:00

I knew it was just a matter of time before I spotted these on a human!

I have to admit that I noticed the giant banana clip in his hair before the balls... although I'm sure that's just because he was standing in a crowd of people who were blocking his balls!

Use at your own Risk!

2011-08-08T09:25:00.003-05:00

I got a kick out of this sign posted above the toilet at my friends lake house! Obviously I decided to stay upstairs where the bathroom proudly accepts brown deposits!

Sweat

2011-08-05T13:28:00.006-05:00

I've never noticed Asians to be sweaty people. Just seems like they've got some special skin where they don't sweat. I can't think of a time I bumped into a smelly (well sometimes they smell fishy from their cooking)... but I mean smelly as in a sweaty funk smell. Just hasn't happened (wish I could say the same for all ethnicity's). So that's why I'm confused that the few Asian ladies that work out at my gym shower for just as long as they work out. Seriously how sweaty can you get in a 1/2 hour that constitutes a 1/2 hour head to toe shower? I sweat my ass off in my 45 minute brisk walk on the treadmill... but you don't see me washing my hair afterwards. I've got time constraints at lunch you know... no time for the full re-do. I do take a quick shower... but it's really no more than rinsing the sweat off with some soap... praying that the cool water will cool me down some (it doesn't). So what's the dealio... is there Asian bathing ritual I don't know about?

Just Say NO!

2011-07-28T08:47:00.006-05:00

By now you should all know that I'm completely opposed to those dangling little balls that people seem to like to hang from their vehicles. Well apparently the law enforcement in Bonneau, SC agrees with me... as they have ticketed a woman and she is going to trial for just that! Now I have to say that I think that might be a little extreme... as I do believe in a persons right to express themselves however they see fit... but I can't help but find it just a little funny. I mean come on now... it's bad enough seeing these things on a truck with a big old redneck man sitting in the driver seat... but for a WOMAN to be dangling nuts from her truck? I just have zero respect for that... if you want to dangle something obscene from your truck... why don't you dangle some tata's or a big ol' vagina... at least support your gender!

http://www.live5news.com/story/15154990/sc-woman-gets-jury-trial-for-display

Trix in the City... The Horse!

2011-07-27T18:06:00.013-05:00

That's right... there's a horse who shares my name! How fucking cool is that?

http://www.horseracingnation.com/horse/Trix_In_The_City

I must find this horse and bet on her!! I love her already!!

Planking?

2011-07-16T08:16:00.002-05:00

Clearly I am older than I even realized... because I am completely out of the loop on what kids are doing today. Example... my friend Bonnie starts talking about planking today. Apparently her son keeps mentioning it on his FB page. So she was trying to figure out what the heck he was talking about when one of our younger co-workers filled us in on this new phenomenon. Apparently planking is described as the practice of lying down flat with arms to the side, to mimic a wooden plank. Why I ask... WHY? I don't really see the point of it... but I must say some of the pictures I googled were rather impressive. Anyhow... Bonnie & I decided to find out what all the rage was about for ourselves... and this is what we ended up with...

I have a feeling you might see some more of these in the coming days... Stay Tuned!!

Rendezvous...

2011-07-15T08:40:00.005-05:00

That's french for fuckin'!

One of my favorite lines from The Great American Trailer Park Musical. The show is being performed at Stages Repertory Theatre... and is highly entertaining. However it does come with a WARNING: This musical contains tacky outfits, bad wigs, crude language, adultery, strippers, road kill, electrocution and spray cheese. So if you take offense to any of these things then it might not be for for you! The actors were dead on in their performance... we were in stitches! And they can definitely belt out some songs! Looks like the show has been extended through September 4th... so get your tickets now... you won't be disappointed!!!

The Great American Trailer Park Musical

Tuxitard?

2011-07-14T08:01:00.004-05:00

Anyone that knows me knows that I don't follow sports. So clearly when they were talking about Brian Wilson wearing some unitard to the ESPY's I thought they were talking about Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys! That is just not something I want to see... EVER! But then I started thinking why would Brian Wilson be at a sports award show (believe it or not... I do know what the ESPY's are... generally anyway). So of course I pick up my phone and googled Brian Wilson - ESPY's and this is what I found....

Definitely NOT Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys... Whew! Although my opinions of unitards is that NO ONE should wear them... they are just not attractive... even if it's meant to look like a Tuxedo! That being said I will give this Brian Wilson (of the San Francisco Giants... I did some research) kudos for having the balls to wear this in public! Speaking of balls I did notice that in the majority of the pictures he had his hand hovering over the family jewels. Me thinks someone might have been getting a little excited!

Show me the MONEY!!

2011-07-13T10:11:00.006-05:00

Not sure if I mentioned on here that I moved a few months ago. I loved my old place but was tired of paying the high rent... and even worse the outrageously high electric bills. So I had actually been thinking about moving once my lease was up for a while. Then... my dearly departed Bubbles started acting up on me... a lot... like every 2-4 weeks. After dumping about $2K into her and still wondering each day if she would start I decided it was time to get a new ride. Bubbles was a great car... and I really enjoyed driving her the 10 years that I had her... but there comes a time that you just have to move forward... even if you are used to not having a car payment. So I took the plunge and bought myself a new ride... her name is Pearl E. White and I LOVE her! Although those new car payments cemented my thoughts on moving. So I started looking around for something less expensive... and eventually found my new home. The new Casa Trix is a little smaller than my old pad... doesn't have all the nice upgrades and only has one bathroom as opposed to two and a half. But that's OK because I only plan to stay here a year or two in hopes of buying my OWN place next!

But now let me move onto the PROS of my new casa!! My drive from the office has dwindled down from 7 miles to 2 miles... hell yea! I have my own 2 car garage... or I should say Pearl has her own 2 car garage. Which also allowed me to ditch the storage unit my friend Kristy and I were renting. All of our storage stuff fits quite nicely in the new garage with room to spare... which is saving both Kristy and I a few bones! Rent is considerably less. And the best surprise of all... my electric bill has been cut down by at least 3/4!!! Seriously!! I was hoping that it would be less... but you never know with these older homes. I think the lowest electric bill I ever had at my Heights home was $350... the most... $500 (and that was in the winter! Let this be your warning to steer clear of homes that use electric heat... it's fucking expensive)!! Since I've moved into my new casa I've had a $98 bill and a $104 bill! FUCK YES!! I was unsure when I got the first one if that was right... like if it was a full months worth or not... but getting my second bill I'm reassured that this place is fantastic! Even better than that I know have gas heat so I won't have any outrageous winter electric bills! SWEEEEEEEEEEETTTT!!! I'm racking up the savings left and right... well until I calculate in Pearl's payment... but that's OK... I'm still ahead!

She gave me the finger!

2011-06-29T07:56:00.009-05:00

So last week I had my annual physical... which of course included all the lady business. I don't think my doctor is very experienced at giving pap smears because there were a little too many "Oh I'm sorry's" that spilled out of her mouth (and this isn't the first time this has happened with her. But I kinda inherited her when my Dr. Johnson left to go do bigger and better things). Let's just say they aren't comfortable to begin with... and this one was even less comfortable (me thinks it's time to stop being lazy and shop around for an actual gynecologist instead of an internal medicine doctor). Anyhow... once she finished that exam she slapped on a new pair of gloves and said OK... time for your rectal! WTF are you talking about? This is a first... I didn't even know women were supposed to get those. Anyway. So she gave me the finger... literally. Unless she has the smallest fingers in the world she definitely only used one... so I'm not exactly sure what she could have felt or not felt with that... especially since it took her about two seconds. In the end my first rectal exam was painless... and I am an exit only girl. So I'm not really sure what all your boys are whining about with your physicals. Just be happy you don't have to get a plastic duck beak shoved up anywhere. Or even worse get your boobs squashed between 2 pieces of flat metal. Oh yeah... the mammogram is next week. The joys of being over 40!

Bikini Girls...

2011-06-28T11:04:00.006-05:00

I bought my nieces some new bikinis before I went to visit them last week. They of course immediately tried them on. Lily ran to her room turned her iPod onto The Cheetah Girls and proceeded to do a dance... which of course I had my camera handy. She was really getting into it. Emily on the other hand wanted nothing to do with being filmed in her bikini (I'm sure she got that from me)... Lily... as you can see inherited my dance moves! After they watched the video about 10 times Lily asked me to post the video everywhere. I said what do you mean, like my blog, Facebook, youtube? She replies... YES... EVERYWHERE! Clearly she has no shame (which she got from me... sans the dancing around in the bikini). Emily was embarrassed that I sent it to the people I work with. I sure hope my sister doesn't show her my blog!

Off to see MY Munchkins...

2011-06-16T10:50:00.009-05:00

Also known as the cutest little nieces on earth... Lily & Emily!

I just realized that I have not seen them since LAST THANKSGIVING! What the hell is wrong with me?? Seven months?? That is the longest I've ever gone without seeing them. It's making me even more excited to see them and feel like a horrible aunt all at the same time! I hope they haven't changed much. That would totally suck if they looked all grown up now. Can't we keep them sweet, innocent and little forever??

Lily just left me a message overflowing with excitement about seeing me tonight. My flight gets in pretty late so she said my sister might be a sleep... but she'd be waiting for me. Something tells me that I'm going to see the reverse of that when I get there. But then again it has been 7 months so who knows.

I'm hoping that they give me a ton of blog inspiration while I'm home. As you all know I've been lacking in that department lately. But with Lily's Klutz Genes and Emily's mullet and flair for shoes who knows what will happen over the next four days. But... I guess we'll all find out soon enough!

Fingers crossed Eppley Airfield doesn't flood in the next 12 hours!!

Lesson Learned

2011-06-02T09:26:00.011-05:00

Don't ever tell nearly 8 year olds anything... because they will repeat it... and most likely to the person about whom you were speaking.

My niece Lily (who will be 8 in about 3 months) called me yesterday to ask me again when I will be coming to visit. I said on the 16th. She said how long is that? I said about 2 weeks. How long is that? About 14 days. OK.

Then I told her I never received the monkey picture she drew me for my birthday (she called me about a month or so prior to this to let me know that she was drawing me a monkey for my birthday). She told me that's because she was going to give it to me when I came to visit. I said oh OK... I thought you were going to mail it. She informs me that she does not know how to mail stuff. So I said well ask your mom. Oh wait... on second thought don't ask her she's not very good at mailing stuff. So then she asks me if she should ask Grandma or Uncle Craig. I said well they are getting better... but just hold on to it and you can give it to me when I get there. She said OK.

Later that night I get a message from my sister...

"What the hell... I heard you were talking shit about me to my daughter"!

WHOOPS!

I did not call her back.

OMG OMG OMG!!!

2011-05-25T08:01:00.005-05:00

We spotted a real life People of Walmart person this past weekend in Hondo, TX!! Now I just need a good caption before I submit it to the POW People! With her space boots on I was thinking of leaning towards the End of the World that has now been postponed til October something. My creative juices aren't flowing so well due to the continuous stream of booze and laughing that has been happening since last Thursday! Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!!

Cats

2011-05-12T10:26:00.001-05:00

They don't care where they nap... as long as it is inconvenient to you! Yes... that's my hand Dixie decided to use as a headrest after she laid on my keyboard!

The Blowout

2011-05-11T07:49:00.007-05:00

Yesterday I decided to walk outside during lunch for my workout. It was nice although ended up being a little warmer than I thought it was going to be. So I head back to the locker room to shower off before heading back to work. I was having a really hard time cooling down which basically means I was still sweating after my shower which made it a little harder to get my pants on because they were sticking to my legs. So I decided to give the problem area... the crotch of my pants a good yank. I grabbed the inner thighs of my leggings and pulled... next thing you know we hear a loud RIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!! I looked down and saw my inner thighs peeking out the two giant holes. HOLY SHIT... I just ripped in my pants! I honestly thought Bonnie was going to piss her pants she was laughing so hard. I just looked down thinking what the fuck am I going to do now? I was wearing a long tunic over my leggings but not long enough that I would feel comfortable going back to the office in my new spandex CHAPS! So I ended up going back to work in my dressy tunic, flats and my sweaty workout pants. I felt ridiculous... but at least they matched!

Ways to NOT pick up a woman...

2011-05-10T09:07:00.009-05:00

1) Don't admit to coming over and talking to her AFTER you find out she's the only unattached one in the group.

2) Don't tell her that she shouldn't wear something she's wearing because it will attract the wrong kind of guy... even if you add in that she's so beautiful that she doesn't need it. The only thing the woman will get out of this comment is that you think she's dressed slutty.

3) DO NOT air your dirty laundry to a complete stranger... especially if it's the kind that involves your ex-wife accusing you of molesting your son. It doesn't matter if you're innocent or not... that is just not something you tell someone that you just met.

4) And finally don't pout and walk off if the woman doesn't want to continue your conversation after you've done all these things! It should be pretty obvious to you by now that this pick up was a major FAIL!

Cinco de May...

2011-05-05T11:07:00.004-05:00

Just in case any of you were wondering what Cinco de Mayo really means... let me tell you. It means... 19 DAYS TIL MY BIRTHDAY!! WOO HOO!!! Granted I'm going to be 41... and there's absolutely no way of getting out of it... it's all good... always better than the alternative!
Sadly I won't be out boozing it up with the rest of you fools tonight though. Instead I have to finish preparing for a crazy weekend in San Antonio for Dana's Bachelorette Party!! And you know me... I pull out no stops when it comes to parties so needless to say we should have some very interesting pictures coming out of this weekend. Bring on the inflatable PENIS!

Lemons.

2011-04-27T11:23:00.001-05:00

OK regardless of what my little profile to the right says... I'm tired of getting fucking lemons! I'm nearly 41 years old... don't I deserve a life of daisies and roses by now?

Missing Persons

2011-04-22T11:02:00.007-05:00

I am not the only one of my friends who blog... as a matter of fact I have quite a few that blog as well. I tend to check them out at least every other day... and I'm starting to wonder why I'm beating myself up over not blogging often enough. Let's investigate....

Lu's Dirt. Missing since 2/28/11. You ramble on constantly... I know you've got shit to write about! Get off FB and start posting blogs... I'm sure your readers would love to hear about Ace & Gary.

Nonsense Words. Missing since 2/23/11. Enough of the Sushi Spam already... what else have you eaten?

Ramblings of a Hunters Wife. Missing since 11/2/10. You just rode the MS 150 for Christs sake... there's gotta be at least 10 good stories in there!

The Bennetts from Texas. Missing since 10/21/10. Seriously? You have 5 year old twins. If you don't have good stories... No one does!

McCall's Manic Merry-Go-Round. Missing since 7/13/10. I know you stated on your blog that you have nothing to say... but I'm calling BS on that one. Maybe just make it private so Big Brother can't read it anymore!

However I do have friends that are good about keeping me entertained...

The BS Cafe... Well you did disappear for a while... but I can tell you're on the verge of making your way back to regular blogging.

And my Honorable Mention goes to H. You know who you are... and I read you regularly... but for some reason I can't comment on it at work... weird huh?

2011-04-15T21:16:00.011-05:00

Seems I may have just topped Kristy's Treasure in the Attic! I decided to take a peek in my new attic to see how much room I had to store stuff... and this is what I found...

Something about this doll is giving me the heebie jeebies. I don't know if it's the fact that she looks like she's been up there a really long time... or that she appears to have Barbie's legs attached to her baby doll head... or that her head is fives times bigger than her thighs... or that she's laying up there doing the splits with her diaper gnawed off... but something is just not right. Pretty sure I won't be storing anything up there and I may just be putting a lock on the attic door. And if I hear anything like little footsteps or someone singing lullabies... I am OUT OF THERE!!

Direct Advertising

2011-04-14T07:50:00.001-05:00

No subliminal message here... is there?

In a Nutshell...

2011-04-13T10:40:00.008-05:00

Holy crap! It's been almost a month since I've posted anything. I kinda suck don't I?

Well here's what you've missed...

JJ Grey was AWESOME... Chicago was cold but the V-Day Pub Crawl warmed us up and the Lovehammers ROCKED it... too bad drinks cost so damn much in the Windy City... also enjoyed some of my regulars... Bob Schneider & Warren Hood and the Goods... this years BBQ cook-off wasn't as good as the past couple years but I still managed to get drunk and have a good time... Cowboy Mouth did their Marde Gras thing and for some reason I ended up soaking wet in sweat (ish)... The Gutterheads lost yet another season... so we're sitting this one out... completed another Warrior Dash... planned a May Toobin' & Boozin' trip... attended the NCAA March Madness tournament with Chris and ate a LOT of awesome food... bought a new ride (Lexus baby)... decided to move... packing sucks... missing out on Pete Yorn this weekend because I am moving... started working out... stopped... but now I've started again... wish me luck. Whew. That's it... in a nutshell!

Warrior Dash Part II

2011-03-21T18:50:00.010-05:00

Since the last Warrior Dash I told the story but failed to ever post any pictures... this time I've decided to just let the pictures tell the story. So here's Warrior Dash Conroe - March 2011. Congrats to our brave Warriors... Dan, Joey, Fallon, Kristy & myself. And special props to our Warrior Cheerleaders (who say they're gonna participate at the next one)... Lulu, Dana & Alexis!

Like Aunt... Like Niece...

2011-03-08T18:40:00.011-06:00

Remember this (and yes... I'm shocked I'm posting this hidious picture again too)?

Well here's my niece Lily... she wiped out on Grandma's steps yesterday. Seems my poor niece has inherited my Klutz Gene! Not really fair that Lily got this from me and Emily... the dare devil... just inherited my fondness for pretty shoes! I'm sorry Lily... hope you feel better soon!

You know I think I just figured out why Lily doesn't like roller skating! She probably remembers the scary pictures of me after the whole Xanadu episode! Oops!!

SILENCE!

2011-02-26T17:15:00.008-06:00

Our table neighbors at Mucky Duck propped up this not so subtle hint during the intermission of Warren Hoods and the Goods show last night. They literally pushed it to the edge of their table facing right at us. Do you think we were annoying them? It's not Dar's fault that she is partially deaf and couldn't hear herself speak! Regardless the Hoods put on a killer show just as they always do!! Thanks Chris... you're the best!

Just Ice... No Snow

2011-02-04T08:58:00.023-06:00

So much for the anticipated 1-3 inches of snow we were supposed to get last night... we got none of the white fluffy stuff... instead we got ICE! As you can see Bubbles is covered in it!

As much as I hate snow... ice is worse! Ice is meant to keep cocktails cold... not cover the streets of Houston. It's slippery and dangerous... so I decided to help keep all the other crazy ass drivers safe by not getting on the road today. Instead I have my little home office set up and am getting the job done here... in sweats of course.

There are a lot of pros can cons to working from home. But I think the biggest con is Dixie the lap cat having to be in the middle of everything at all times! Makes getting my job done a little difficult!

So everyone... everywhere... be safe!!

Shake Weight Olympics?

2011-01-27T08:12:00.006-06:00

Sorry... I had a hard time getting a good picture of the sign this morning. What it says is "Shake Weight Olympics". What the hell are SW Olympics you might ask? I asked the same thing. So I looked up the website and all it says is...

Shake Weight Olympics!!
Swaye Bar is turning everyones favorite infomercial into the best game EVER!! Bring your shake weight skills on Wednesday nights for BIG prizes...1st and 2nd walk away winners!! Fun starts at 7pm!

So I investigated a little further... found some video clips (quality is horrible) on youtube. Some of the events are...
Junk in the Trunk (bumping ping pongs out of a can strapped to your butt while shaking the weight)
Beer Shake (drink a beer while shaking the weight)
Cookie Shake (bounce cookies off the weight into your mouth)
Blow and Swallow (I couldn't figure out what the hell they were doing in this one)
& The Boogar Shake (pull tissues out of the box while shaking the weight)

Something tells me this event may need further investigation. Maybe I'll even bring my own Shake Weight along! Who's with me???

Rockin' Out!

2011-01-21T09:17:00.007-06:00

I have to say that I'm pretty excited about my concert line up so far this year. I was able to catch Better Than Ezra at HOB the very end of December (completely unplanned... but had a great time even though I had to pay the price the following day at work). As for this year it looks like I've got a show every month through May (so far)! Here's my line up:

January - JJ Grey and Mofro (you may remember me mentioning this band before ACL last year... they absolutely lived up to what I was expecting from them).

February - The Lovehammers (Hammerfest in Chicago... I've been wanting to see this band ever since I discovered Marty Casey on the show Rock Star INXS a few years ago. I immediately fell in love with him... so of course I had to check out his band... The Lovehammers... I became and instant fan. I was VERY thankful he did NOT win that show... as I prefer him with his own band. Unfortunately they don't seem to travel out of Chicago often... so I decided screw it... I'm going there)!

March - Cowboy Mouth... For Fat Tuesday... that's a given and a MUST!

April - Pete Yorn in Austin... Long time fan... can't wait to see him again!

May - Rick Springfield! Yes... you heard me right. I was in LOVE with Dr. Noah Drake when I was younger. Then he started singing too. I remember carrying that 45 cover around with me everywhere! And guess what... he's STILL totally hot!

That's all I've got so far... but I have no doubt more will be added! And I promise to start doing better about chronicling these musical events! I know I've been a very bad blogger lately!

Dix & Dex Update...

2011-01-19T11:15:00.009-06:00

Well you may have noticed that I haven't talked about Dexter the Pee Boy in quite a while. And that is because I had to take Dex back to the SPCA a few months ago. I haven't brought this up because quite frankly it isn't easy to talk about. This is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do... and I cried for a good 2 hours after I said goodbye (and still get teared up when I talk about him or even think about him). Dexter was an awesome cat! Quirky, fun, loving... but as you all know he had a very bad habit of pissing all over everything I own... including me! I tried everything I could to get him to stop... took him to the vet countless times to see if there was something physically wrong with him. But in the end I believe the problem was that he was just super territorial over me and didn't like sharing me with Dixie. So... he had to go. My only comfort is believing that they put him back up for adoption and some nice person fell in love with my little pin head the moment they saw him kicked back in his porn cat pose. And now he is as happy as can be in a single pet home where he gets all the attention he wants and doesn't have to share his human(s) with anyone. So to my boy Dexter... you will always be loved and forever missed.

Now... on to Dixie. Dixie is now the queen of the casa. And has become the Ultimate Lap Cat! And if she can't find my lap... she will jump on my back. If she can't get on my back she will lay on my feet. Dixie is now the most dependent cat on earth. I'm not sure if this is because she just gets super lonely being home all day without a companion... or if it's because she's over joyed that she no longer has to share me with the bed wetter. It took her at least a month and a half before she would come lay next to me without checking to see where Dexter was first. I'm pretty sure she knows now that she rules the roost and that Dexter is not coming back. But good lord... it's like I have a mini shadow following me around. She's everywhere. As soon as I sit down... no matter where it is... couch, desk chair, toilet, floor... she's on my lap. If we are all snuggled up on the couch and I leave for more than 2 minutes she will come and find me. But... I wouldn't take it away for the world. She's all I have left of my D&D babies... and thank goodness she doesn't wet the bed!

Kama Pootra

2011-01-10T18:07:00.003-06:00

A gift from a friend. I'm not quite sure what she's trying to tell me here... But maybe I'll make it into a weekly tip blog... Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop! Who knew??

Shrek, Brad and Jennifer

2011-01-07T05:38:00.003-06:00

Shrek, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez were all having lunch together.

Shrek said, I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the world, but how can I be sure? Brad Pitt said, I'm pretty sure I'm the hottest man alive but I've never had it confirmed. Jennifer Lopez agreed. I'm told I'm the sexiest of them all, but sometimes I wonder.

They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to approach the wicked Queen's mirror to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Brad Pitt was the hottest and Jennifer Lopez was the sexiest.

They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.

The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. Well, it's true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world! Brad Pitt followed and boasted, It is true, it has been confirmed that I am the hottest!! Jennifer Lopez walked in; head bent, tears in her eyes and asked......

"Who the hell is Trix"???

Hahahahahaha... thanks for the laugh Bon Bon!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-06T11:23:00.004-06:00

I just read my friend Lu's blog and she called me out for not posting anything since Christmas. Shame on me. Who wants to give me my spanking?

So you all know I'm not big on New Years Resolutions... however this year I have come up with two that I totally intend to resolute (is that the correct terminology?)!!

1) I vow NOT to buy anymore hair products (i.e... shampoo, conditioner, hair spray, hair gunk, etc) UNTIL I use ALL of the stuff I already have... which is A LOT! I tend to buy in bulk when Ulta sends me their 20% off entire purchase coupons... so I stock up. Problem is when I'm there I usually find new products to try! Hence... there's is quite a bit of hair shit hanging out in my closet!

2) Clear out my closet and drawers! My drawers... that is my dresser drawers are over flowing with clothes... clothes I never wear that is... yet still there they sit! So it's time to clean them out... no more pack ratting... just get rid of the shit! Obviously that will free up space for new clothes when I successfully complete the resolution I never succeed at which is losing weight and shaping up!

So wish me luck... with the diet & exercise anyway... I KNOW I will force myself to stick tight with the other resolutions!!

Again... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Merry Christmas from Trix's Family...

2010-12-24T00:03:00.004-06:00

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Little Dicks

2010-12-23T08:11:00.003-06:00

Well at least that is what these tasty treats at The Armadillo Palace looked like! How could anyone not give these pieces of fried goodness and inquisitive eye once placed in front on them? They are actually Chicken & Cheese Flautas... and I thought they were pretty good... aside from looking like a pervert eating them!

Somebody's Got Some 'Splainin' To Do...

2010-12-21T13:02:00.003-06:00

This was the view when exiting my building into the parking garage. Sure hope there's not a dead body in there! The red blood isn't nearly as vivid in this picture as it was in person. Not exactly what you want to see when you're on your way to lunch!

A Monkey in Red Shoes

2010-12-17T08:12:00.005-06:00

Original Artwork by my beautiful niece... Lillian Rose!

This picture was not originally drawn for me... but since we were unable to find the brown crayon for Lily to recreate this picture for me... she went ahead and gave me the original... however she did keep the picture of the two little monkeys that was attached to this. I am very impressed with her skills... and the fact that I have forced her to love monkeys too!!

Merry Christmas from Dixie

2010-12-11T08:13:00.000-06:00

As you can see Dixie hates cold weather too. I was shocked that she just stood there for a couple minutes while I took pictures... granted she does have a eat shit and die look on her face... but at least I got the shot! Quite certain she will rip my eyes out with her back feet before she lets me put that hat on her again. So the stuffed reindeer under my tree is now sporting it!

Zappos.com

2010-12-09T22:01:00.006-06:00

Oh how I love thee! Seriously. I absolutely love this website! It's your home for shoes, clothes, bags, purses and housewares! Not just for the ladies either... they also cater towards me and children. I probably order from them about three times I year... and they are awesome! Why? Because every single time I've ordered from them I've chosen the regular free shipping (which says 5-7 days)... and every single time they've upgraded my shipping free of charge and I get my package in 1-2 days... for FREE (and no... they aren't located in Houston... they're in Kentucky)! I'm totally serious... they are awesome! Not only that... when I return something (which I always do since I'll order in bulk to make sure I find what I'm looking for... current search... new boots)... and the return shipping is FREE TOO!!! Can you tell me anyone that beats that (overstock.com comes real close... love them too)?

Anyhow... just wanted to give a shout out to my Zappos peeps... check them out... something tells me that you'll get lucky too. Oh wait... unless maybe I get these special privileges because I'M PRETTY? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Sorry couldn't resist that one!

But seriously... Zappos.com

I'm PRETTY... I can do anything!

2010-12-07T10:37:00.006-06:00

I was invited to a friends housewarming party this upcoming weekend. They sent the evite out at least a month ago... to which I responded right away. But not until today did someone notice that I forgot a word in my response! What a dope!

Just incase you're still scratching your head... It should have read... "I'm pretty SURE I can make it"!

Who Wants to Adopt ME?

2010-12-01T19:05:00.008-06:00

OK... or a male dog named after me. Carsten is the last of 11 pups that I helped rescue this past summer. He is my other namesake (Trixie was just recently adopted). Kristy told me she can't understand why Carsten hasn't been adopted as he's a beautiful dog, well tempered and easily trainable and probably the sweetest of the litter (go figure)! Help find Carsten a home this holiday season! Please read about him below and contact Pup Squad!!

Read more about Carsten...
http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/16550134

And other Pup Squad pets looking for a new home...
http://www.pupsquad.org/holiday-heroes/

Warrior Dash Weekend... The Play by Play...

2010-11-23T08:06:00.023-06:00

The drive to Austin consisted of the usual dork antics that happen when Lu and I go on a road trip... but this time we had Bonnie & Kristy dorking along with us. Seat dancing... roadie pit stops... glow bracelet disco dancing and buying crap at the truck stops! And this time we encountered something new... a 24 hour Pecan vending machine! I'm not kidding when I tell you that you could buy a WHOLE PIE from this machine. However we did not buy one so I couldn't tell you how the pie faired once it made the drop to the pick up slot!

We finally arrived at Uncle Charlie's house around 11 pm where we found Cody looking rather intoxicated... could be since he'd been drinking with Charlie since 2 in the afternoon. But that was OK... had he not been he may not have honored us with his interpretation of the Bonnie dance... good stuff.

Eventually (around 1:30 in the morning... according to Belinda)... we all decided to drift off to dreamland and rest up for the Warrior Dash!

Saturday morning came way too soon... but we eventually made it out the door... made a quick pit stop for breakfast and we were off to Rusty's Walnut Creek Ranch.

And now the fun BEGINS!

Collected our warrior gear... painted or faces and grabbed a beer as we awaited our start time!!!

10:00 a.m.... We are at the start line waiting for the horn... and alas... we are off!

Hey wait... what's going on here... WHY am I running??? Oh wait... my idea as I didn't want to get run over OR look like a jack ass walking out of the gate.

10:02... OK Kristy... that's enough running... I'm WHEEZING! We say bye to our teammates as they jog off ahead of us.

Wasn't long after that that Kristy and I were at the tail end of the group... but slowly one by one we started to pass others.

Obstacle 1... Junkyard Jam! Here we had the option of climbing over or crawling through a few sets of rusted up, junked out cars. I debated a moment but then decided to climb over. Kristy & I stopped as we posed for a picture.

More walking.

Obstacle 2... Warrior Wall. These looked MUCH taller in the pictures than they actually were. There was about 5 waist high walls. Of course... more posing at the end.

Walk...

Obstacle 3... Black Forest. Wasn't much of a forest if you ask me.

Hey look there's the water station we must be about 1/2 way done.

Walk...

Wonder what happened to that water station.

Obstacle 4... Rio Run. BURRRRRRRRRR... COLD... FUCK... ICE CUBE FEET... COLD.

Obstacle 5... Climb the wall. Holy crap we caught up with everyone!! Woo Hoo!! Oh... no wonder... there's a line! Hummm da dummm... when will it be our turn. Well there goes Christine, Amanda & Bonnie. Oh no... WAIT... why is Christine rolling down the hill?!?! MUD that's why... slick slick slick. Thanks for the laughs Christine!

Obstacle 6... Walk the plank... another wussy one.

Obstacle 7... Chaotic crossover. Looked tough to walk... so I rolled it. Which worked great until I rolled into someone that couldn't get over to the next side. I'm quite certain that this obstacle is responsible for the majority of my bruises!

Obstacle 8... Arachnophobia... Try making your way through a bunch of tangled up bungee cords. Sounds easy doesn't it? Well it was when you were using teamwork with your partner. Not so much when people from other teams decide to help you out too and snap you in the shin with a bungee!

Obstacle 9... Hay fever. Steps of hay... nice to have long legs.

Wait... what's that... is that people cheering... OMG we're almost done only three more obstacles!!

Obstacle 10... Cargo climb. Same as chaotic crossover but verticle instead of horizontal... and WAY easier. Even with the MC singing such songs as "Free Falling"!

Obstacle 11... Jumping the Fire. Woo Hoo... that was fun... but is that the rubber on my shoes I smell burning??

and finally...

Obstacle 12... Muddy Mayhem! This is where we all got down and dirty. Seemed easy enough when you first got in the mud... but didn't take long for the mud to start to weigh you down... it was deep and we were sluggish. But alas we made it out!

The people were going wild cheering us on and we each received our medal as we crossed the finish line!

We finished the weekend by drinking mass quanties of beer... jumping in a freezing cold swimming pool... creating our own obstacle courses for Aubry (hey he had to earn Uncle Coco's medal)... warming up in the hot tub... eating BBQ... drinking more beer... going to a bar to watch the UFC fights... and for our finale... getting kicked of said bar by a Bitter Betty because Carlo's touched her TV and told her to go eat some more nachos!

Special thanks to my Fellow Warriors... Amanda, Bonnie, Carlos, Christine, Cody & Kristy. Our Warrior Cheerleaders... Aubry, Cecilia, Ed & Lulu. And last but not least our gracious hosts Belinda & Charlie for making it such an incredible weekend!

Can't wait til March... Conroe here we come!

Pictures to follow!

Just Call Me TOOFLESS LIL...

2010-11-22T14:18:00.005-06:00

Lily just lost her 4th tooth.

Too bad she was a little late for Halloween with her new Jack-o-lantern look!

And the time has come...

2010-11-19T12:33:00.004-06:00

For me to either...

1) Seriously Injury Myself

2) Make a Complete Fool of Myself

3) Die

I'm OK with all but #3... as I know that no matter what the outcome we'll be having FUN... and lots of beer!

Warrior Dash - Central Texas 2010

The cool kids flag... look for us... or stay clear of us... whichever you deem safer!

Love Stinks... and so does Facebook!

2010-11-09T10:07:00.015-06:00

I'm not one of those people that is addicted to Facebook... but I do usually get on at least every other day and browse through the most recent updates... and on occasion I post updates myself. So last night I'm cruising through the updates when I see my ex-boyfriends face plastered all over my wall. How can this be... we are NOT friends... FB or otherwise. Well this sometimes happens when you have mutual friends on FB... to which we have one. You see my ex posted pictures and tagged our mutual friend on them... hence it popped up on my wall... and I hate to admit it unsettled my stomach a bit. But to make matters worse I made the fatal error of clicking on the ex's name... big mistake! You see to my surprise his whole page was open to the public (that's a rarity on FB)... and even though I don't want to know what's going on with him... I looked anyway... and I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach. WHY??? I'm totally over him... why is it making me sick seeing what he's up to? I mean I already knew that he was getting married (the mutual friend mentioned it)... just hadn't had it confirmed... until now. I will say that he looks very happy... and she looks like a very nice lady... and I hope that they really are happy. BUT that doesn't change the fact that I'd prefer to THINK that he is alone and miserable... it just gives me peace of mind. So Mr. Ex... when and if you get around to reading this blog... can you do me one favor and make your FB page private? I'm only human after all and even though I really don't want to know what's going on with you... it would just be easier to not have the temptation to look! Mucho Gracias.

Introducing... The People of Walmart...

2010-11-05T14:04:00.010-05:00

Your Hostess with the Mostest...

Ms. Trixie... Walmart Greeter Extraordinaire

How to Poop at Work

2010-11-04T15:16:00.002-05:00

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen.. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER A colleague who poops at work and is Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your gender entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

SHIRLEY TEMPLE A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential Turd burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA-OMELET A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

AUNT BETTY A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever... Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Olan Mills... for Cats

2010-10-27T09:57:00.007-05:00

I don't know... maybe it's just me... but all day yesterday all I could think of when looking at this picture was of those Awkward Family Photos. Not that these cats are doing anything freaky... but it totally looks like a family portrait... mom looking all poised... big daddy looking dazed and confused... and little sprout just thinking... that dude with the camera is scary!

WHY?

2010-10-25T10:22:00.004-05:00

Someone wanna help me out with this?

The Time is Near...

2010-10-20T17:41:00.005-05:00

HALLOWEEN 2010!!!

And this years party will be themed...

THE PEOPLE OF WALMART

Oh... how I can't wait for these pictures!

My Plans Have Been Foiled!

2010-10-20T15:45:00.004-05:00

So I was just reading through the official Warrior Dash Waiver and Release and what do you think line #4 says? Well let me tell you...

"I agree to not consume alcohol prior to Warrior Dash or ingest any medications or substances that will inhibit my mental or physical ability to safely and effectively participate in Warrior Dash".

Although... I'm pretty sure that me consuming alcohol beforehand will only benefit my performance, right? So I guess it's OK then!!!

Warrior Dash 2010

2010-10-19T10:39:00.013-05:00

I'm actually surprised with myself that I have yet to post a blog about this. My friend Kristy has been keeping her readers updated every few weeks with a progress report of her training... yet I have not even spoke of it. And I think I just figured out why. Most likely because I'm sure that NONE of you would ever believe that I am going to put myself through this. Honestly I do fear that I won't be able to complete it... or possibly not even come out alive. But I'm hoping with a little teamwork of some friends we will be able to push and pull ourselves along the way. My secret weapon is that I plan to start drinking early that morning... that way I will at least be able to laugh along with everyone laughing at me! I'm 1,000% certain I don't have a shot in hell at winning... or even placing... so I'm more concerned with making it fun! That's where our team costumes come in. Our team theme is Super Heroes! Now how many of the 10 or so of us actually wear them is yet to be determined. But... I WILL be pulling the ol' Kissing Bandit costume out of my mass of Halloween costumes and donning it proudly (with a few modifications of course). It's quite possible that I will be the only person proudly giving kissing along the way... but hey... it goes with the costume!!

Anyway... if you're wondering what crazy, fun, hellish experience our friends are going to be getting ourselves into next month... take a peek...

Warrior Dash Central Texas

And here's a little snipit of the madness...

I have to admit my biggest fear is the 3.2 mile run... well obviously I will be walking it... considering I am NOT a runner!!!

Love is Stinky… Sometimes!

2010-10-17T10:30:00.008-05:00

I was just cleaning up my computer a little when I came across this article I wrote a few years ago for a now defunk online magazine. They approached me after coming across my blog and I was very flattered when they asked me to write for them. They did post my story but apparently it wasn't really what they were looking for, seems they wanted more crude humor as in my blog. I never wrote another article. Anyway... I thought I'd go ahead and post this before I delete it from my external hard drive so I'd have a copy of my hard work! Just make take on the end of relationships...

They say if you love someone set them free...
If they come back to you they are yours forever…
If they don’t they were never yours to begin with!

I say that’s a load of crap!

If you love someone (but they don’t love you) set yourself free! Because that’s exactly why they are dumping your ass in first place… because they don’t love you anymore… or they never did!

If they come back to you tell them to go fly a kite! If they didn’t see what they had in you before you started dating some super stud or studette… then they never knew… and they never will!

If they don’t come back to you… well you’re back at square one!

Why on earth people stay in horrible relationships is beyond me. I know it’s one of those easier said than done things. But if someone doesn’t want to be with you then do you really want to be with them? Relationships are hard… even harder if one of the people doesn’t really want to be in the relationship.

I’m not saying that breakups are easy… because they aren’t. They totally suck… but is it the end of the world? NO… It’s NOT… even if it feels like it is! My last breakup was the worst ever… mostly because I was totally blindsided. Everything was going perfectly in our relationship (or so I thought)… one day he was yelling “I Love You” across the airport… and three days later I get a phone call from this emotionless robot saying… “I have to break up with you” (I hope you all read that in your best robot voice)! WTF! I could barely function for at least two weeks. I went to work each day… did my job… didn’t talk to anyone unless I had to… constantly on the verge of tears (heaven forbid someone asked me about him)… then I came home and locked myself up in my bedroom and cried all night long. (OK so I didn’t really cry during episodes of Survivor, Big Brother or America’s Next Top Model, while eating gallons of Cookies & Cream... but I think you get the point). I felt like my life was over. And even though I felt at the time like I would never recover… I DID! It took quite a while for me to get over him… well for the most part anyway. I’d be a liar if I said that he still didn’t cross my mind occasionally. But after sobbing repeatedly for days on end I regained my sanity and thought… “why am I sitting here boo hooing over some man that thought so little of me that he was able to just toss me to the side like that”? So in time I was able to end that chapter in my life and move on to the next chapter. Unfortunately there is a lot less sex in this chapter.

Back to the matter at hand, once you’ve gotten through the pain phase you move on to the other phases in the healing process. The frustrations… the feeling like you’ll never find anyone that will love you again… the ANGER… the finally agreeing with your friends about what a douche bag he/she was… the deciding to be a cougar for a while (oh wait… maybe that’s just me)… and probably a little more anger! Throw in a lot of crying and ice cream (or beer if that’s your preference… probably best to save the hard stuff until you are over him/her though)…and eventually you’ll be back on the road to happiness.

And once you find happiness in yourself again it’s time to dust off those stilettos and do the funky chicken! Don’t dwell on this man/woman you once loved. Don’t be bitter towards any future prospects. Don’t think that because one person jilted you that everyone else will. It doesn’t even matter the reason… whether they were right or wrong, a good guy or bad guy, whether they were sincere or they told you their Aunt Busty died and they must now care for her 25 ferrets so they don’t have time for a relationship. The simple fact remains… THEY DON’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU! You can’t argue with their decision… you can’t make them change their mind… so why fight it? Accept it… start the healing process and move forward. Not accepting it just prevents you from finding someone who does want to do the horizontal mambo with you on a regular basis. And definitely don’t decide to plot your revenge and ruin your ex’s life… that’ll just open up a whole can of rotten worms! It’s just not worth it. And it certainly won’t change the fact that person doesn’t want to be with YOU!

So to all of those out there in living in Crapville with their mate, it’s time to shit or get off the pot. Move on. And by all means… Be happy with yourself!

Cocks and Balls

2010-10-14T14:30:00.018-05:00

I have this friend in Omaha who is constantly (well maybe constantly is a little extreme... but considering these are the ONLY kind of texts I get from him... I'm sticking with constantly), who forwards me these texts messages that ALWAYS involve a penis, balls or a dildo. Never does he send me a "hey, what's up" or here's an fairy angel that will grant your wish if you forward this text to someone, etc. No... they always involve male genitalia... most often they are dressed up or painted in one way or another... and the text included with them is something about how much I (and whoever else he forwards it to) like cock.

Here's an example of the latest...

"Hey look!! Found that Halloween candy u loved as a kid, is this the one you said gave u lots of cavities?"

Normally the text doesn't include something about a kid (I did find that rather disturbing)... but yet still all talk about the love of the noodle... which I obviously won't deny. But still... really? Am I that much of a perv that you only think of me when you get a dirty text???

And to add insult to injury... for a while there I was getting the same text at least THREE times. You see my friend would also forward these penile messages to another friend of mine... who would then forward it to her friends (myself included), one of her friends is my sister. So then my sister would forward it out to her friends (myself included again). I've let them both know that I'm getting the original version so they can cease forwarding them to me.

All that aside I think the worst penis text I got was from a co-worker... one whom I would have NEVER expected such a text from. If I still had it I would totally post it here... unfortunately I don't keep the cock shots on my phone for very long. So anyway... this particular picture was a penis in a strappy shoe (a very ugly shoe for that matter). But upon first glance I did not realize it was a penis... it actually looked like a very fucked up foot... which led me to taking a closer look. I actually had to look at it a good 30 seconds before I realized it was a dick. That one... although totally gross... was actually quite funny. I didn't forward it... but I did show it to several people!!

Note to New Readers who came across my blog while googling penis, cock, balls or dildo. This is NOT a typical post from me. Well I do talk about balls frequently... but generally not REAL balls.

ATTENTION: Larry Bates

2010-10-12T08:36:00.005-05:00

STOP CALLING ME!!

It has been about year since we went on our 2 dates... so why does my phone continue to ring with your name on it (which by the way the ONLY reason your phone number is still in my phone is so I know when NOT to answer it)!

So you might say that your phone is accidentally calling me (ala the butt dial) since the messages you leave are nothing but static noise... but I'm not buying that. The ONLY ways that you could be accidentally calling me is if I was the only person in your contact list... or I'm the only one you call! I know of no phones that just randomly go through someones contact list and accidentally call them! Seriously... just stop... or I will be forced to post that whacked out message you last left me when I didn't return your phone call right away after our last date. You know the message that you found hilarious... but I found psychotic? Yes... that message was pure crazy man talking and I found absolutely no humor in it! And yes... I do have a sense of humor... and my friends tell me I'm funny all the time too... however I don't feel the need to constantly tell my dates how funny I am... they can figure it out on their own!

So anyway... sorry to be such a bitch here... but it's getting really annoying. No need for you to keep my number... as I will NEVER answer your calls... so PLEASE just delete it! Thanks.

Unsolved Mystery

2010-09-30T13:18:00.004-05:00

It seems we will never find out who the Lone-Pon Thief is... as the powers that be have brutally ripped the communications between the "I Saw Evil Snitch" and myself from my locker. Appears as though we no longer have Freedom of Speech in the ladies room. So what it boils down to is that it's OK to steal shit... but not OK to call said person out. Either that or the guilty party got tired of being reminded of their wrong doing on a daily basis!!

Either way... this is the end of this story... onto something else!

Confession # 1

2010-09-29T10:21:00.007-05:00

I got my first confession in The Great T-Pon Heist... unfortunately it is not the culprit that is guilty of taking the LAST one! As much as I do appreciate this friend of mine coming forward and confessing... I still wanna know who the other person is!!

And The Plot Thickens...

2010-09-24T17:02:00.002-05:00

I found this on my locker this afternoon... Awesome!

Enough is Enough!

2010-09-23T15:36:00.011-05:00

I would consider myself to be a pretty generous person. I love giving presents and putting smiles on peoples faces. If my friends need to borrow something... it's all theirs. If they need help with something... I'm all theirs. Well... I've had a long time suspicion that someone has been snatching tampons from my work locker (located in the ladies room)... which I would have no problem with if they would restock my supply on occasion... but that never happens. Although I've had my suspicions I've never had concrete evidence... until yesterday!

Don't worry boys I'm not telling some graphic period story here... it's just a simple story of thievery! Yesterday morning I went to grab a tampon from my locker. There were only two left so I took one... threw the box away... and set the other one back in my locker. When I went back later that afternoon... the tampon was gone! Now it's one thing borrowing a tampon here and there... but to take a woman's LAST tampon is just wrong! Especially if you've seen the size and shape of the tampons they sell out of the machines!! And it's not like this is a new thing here at our office... along with the non-flushers and the non-hand washers we also have the deodorant, Febreeze & contact solution thieves! And that's just in the bathroom... you can imagine how often food goes a missing in the kitchen. I just don't get it. We're all adults here... we all make decent money... why does everyone insist on taking things that aren't theirs? And then... not bothering to payback what they took?

Knowing that nothing is going to change my locker is now under lock and key. And I've also put a note on the outside of it...

The Intimidator!

2010-09-19T17:48:00.008-05:00

Last week was the first time that I got to use my new shiny white ball. Probably wasn't a good idea for me to tell the other team to be ready to be intimidated before I pulled it out... because I bowled like total crap! There were several reasons for this... 1) We'd just gotten back from a weekend of Toobin' & Boozin' literally 2 hours beforehand 2) I totally jammed up my right, middle finger on said trip and it was swollen up the size of a hot dog and 3) My arms were completely wiped out from pushing, pulling and paddling down the river (you know how it feels when you haven't worked out for a while and you go all balls out on the weight machines and the next day you can't move your arms? Yep... that's what my arms felt like). So anyway after I put the fear in the other teams eyes I went up for my first practice ball... and what happens? I basically drop the ball... surprised I didn't put a hole in the lane. Not only did my arms not want to function but my fingers didn't want to come out of the holes! The rest of the night pretty much went the same way.

So anyway... this Saturday I took my ball back up to Carol "Stormin" Norman's Pro Shop to get the holes in my ball drilled a little bigger. And this time I waited around and bowled a few games after just to make sure I didn't make a giant ass of myself again! My first game was just a warm-up as I was getting used to my new ball. BUT... my second game? I BOWLED A 204!!! I'm sure I looked like a complete idiot jumping around the bowling alley with excitement (all by myself)... but I didn't care. I got a strike or a spare EVERY frame!! I didn't think this was something I could ever do... but I did!! Now let's just hope that I can do it again tomorrow!

Let me reintroduce my new shiny white ball...

Please give a big round of applause for....

THE INTIMIDATOR!!

Just a little proof of my score...

And my pretty new pin that the peeps at Delmar Lanes

gave me for my wonderful accomplishment!!

iSuck at Scrabble!

2010-09-16T13:31:00.009-05:00

I'm actually surprised that I haven't mentioned the fact that I am now a proud owner of the iPhone 4! I made the switch about a month ago and I absolutely LOVE it!! I'm very intrigued by all the different Apps it has.

Well this past weekend on the way back from our river trip a friend introduced me to Words With Friends (IE... Scrabble). And now... I'm HOOKED! Seriously that stupid game is addictive. I get impatient waiting for people replying with their word... so I start a new game with some other stranger (since at the time I only knew the one person who played). I've got 10-15 games going now... all but 2 with complete strangers. I've since realized that it was a mistake to play with people that I know... because I totally suck at the game... and now they know it. It's really kinda pissing me off too. I mean how come I play a 7 letter word and get 12 points... then they play a 3 letter words and get 72 points??? WTF is going on here. Is this fucking game rigged or what? Current state: Irritated!

Notice the "You Lost" at the top? I've seen this about 8 times now. FU Words with Friends!

Guess what time it is????

2010-09-09T08:05:00.003-05:00

This years theme is... Will it be Wet or Dry? And guess what... it's gonna be BOTH! Not only is there water in the river for us to actually float this year... but it's also gonna be SUNNY!!! I'm bursting with excitement! Details coming soon...........

Behold... The Power of Balls!

2010-09-07T17:53:00.010-05:00

This... is my new shiny white ball! Isn't it pretty? I'm sure it'll help me bowl a 300 in no time at all! Special shout out to the peeps at Carol "Stormin" Norman's Pro Shop for keeping me highly entertained while I waited to get drilled... I mean waited for my ball to get drilled! It now fits me like a glove... albeit a 12 pound glove... a glove none the less! Go GUTTERHEADS!!

This is Dexter...

2010-09-03T08:43:00.008-05:00

And this is Dexter peeing in his litter box (ala his infamous cat perch)...

Not that he hasn't always used his box... it's just that he's used other things as well... such as my bed, rugs, office chair, couch... the list goes on. I've taken Dexter to the vet numerous times to see if there was something physically wrong with him. On two occasions he has had a UTI. But even after he finished his antibiotics the pissing continued. So Dr. J and I made the decision to get him started on Fluoxetine (aka Kitty Prozac). So far... so good. I haven't caught him peeing anywhere that he shouldn't be... doesn't mean that he isn't... but normally at some point or another I sit in it, roll into it or catch him in the act... and that hasn't happened. He did seem pretty out of it for the first 5 or so days though. Just kind of stood around with a blank stare in his eyes... he also quit sleeping in my bed. But the last couple days he's started to act more like himself (sans the pee)... so I am very hopeful! I can't even imagine getting rid of him... he's such a sweet cat... so fingers crossed everyone!!

Froggies?

2010-09-02T09:31:00.008-05:00

I'm sure you all heard about the loony tune that was holding 3 people hostage at the Discovery Channel building yesterday. I'm not going into great detail about it because it was all over the news. But to make a long story short the man... James Jay Lee... was a total nut job who pretty much blamed the downfall of our society & environment on BABIES... and felt that the Discovery Channel/TLC's programming promoted this. Mr. Lee was shot... so we no longer have to worry about him running around shooting children and pregnant women... Whew! But he had one classic line in his Demand Manifesto (you can read the whole thing here... http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message1178147/pg1).

"Saving the environment and the remaining species diversity of the planet is now your mindset. Nothing is more important than saving them. The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels".

I nearly pissed myself when I read that! Lions, Tigers and Bears... Oh My... Oh and of course... the Squirrels!! HA!

Introducing... The Gutterheads!

2010-08-31T17:24:00.009-05:00

Trix - Cody - Lu - Janet

Yes... that's right... I joined a bowling league! This isn't your normal bowling league as it's only 8 weeks long... but I think that's plenty (especially when I was told that normal leagues last like... forever). Anyway... we certainly have our work cut out for us... but I'd say for a bunch of amateurs we did alright. Cody aka Darnell is definitely our ace in the hole... even with a bad back. Lulu... may seem like our weak link but she's got bad wings and has promised to practice so I have high hopes. Unfortunately we lost all 4 of our first games... but that's only because the other team had a pro named Dave. If he doesn't end up with a ZERO handicap I'm going to have to report him to Sports Monkey authorities and have him banned from the bowling alley! I will say this... we are BY FAR the best dressed team in the league!

Saving the best for last I've decided to share some of my killer moves with you. At the end of the night we spotted a member of another team doing "the worm". So I decided to do my own version of the worm... called... The Inch Worm! (Sorry for the dark, side rotated video... Lu did it)!

Smith Magenis Syndrome (SMS)

2010-08-30T08:00:00.008-05:00

Pacing the Panic Room is a blog that I have been reading for about a year now. Ryan Marshall is a super talented guy with a wonderful family. LB (Littlest Buddy) is his stepson and has a rare disease called Smith Magenis Syndrome (SMS). He has collaborated with many other talented folks to put together an album benefiting SMS. This album is a mix of both kids songs and kid friendly songs parents will like. It's something to listen to together with your youngsters. So take a gander... if you like it you can purchase it on iTunes. A lot of blood, sweat and tears went into putting this album together and every single bit of that was donated by some awesome people. All proceeds from album sales will go to SMS.

Also... if you really really like it... or are just a super badass nice person... you can help try to spread the word as well. Just click "Share this widget" below and post in your blog!

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Woo Hoo!

2010-08-23T20:00:00.003-05:00

This pretty much sums up a kick ass weekend on Lake Travis!

Game ON!

2010-08-18T18:32:00.020-05:00

I'm sure everyone has had this email come into their inbox. It's been going around for a while now... but I just decided to play. You send this question to all your friends and see what their response is.

QUESTION: If you saw me in a police car what would you think I was arrested for?

And here's the answers I got (in the order I got them)...

Carlos: Public urination.
Paige: The crazy cat lady that hoarded too many... (Gee thanks Paige)
Jack W: public intoxication......
Lu: PEEING IN PUBLIC!!!!!!!!!!!
Carol: Peeing on a police car! (Not so sure about the police car part... maybe IN it if they kept me there too long and I had to go... again!)
Buzz: inDECENT exposure ;-) (Thanks Buzz)
JJ: We were having sex in public (Ummm... NO... that's NOT gonna happen... in public or private)!
Chris D: Either pissing in public or flashing. ;)
Drake: MURDER!!! (This came from a 7 year old... WTF? And no I didn't send this to him... apparently Lu asked him... or he was being nosey)!
Cody: peeing in public
Vickie: Lewd and lascivious behavior…..for lifting your skirt to show off your truck nuts! (I'd say Vik gets most creative answer... but just to clarify... I do NOT have truck nuts or any other kind of nuts)!
Heather: I'd say for flashing your ta-tas!
Mark: Drunk and disorderly conduct. Wait! That is me. You would get arrested for prostitution because you told a cop to "Lick it"! (HA... Good times)!
Les: Public Intoxication. And I can just see you trying to tell the police officer that you can’t get drunk from 3 Martini’s and 4 beers!! (Damn straight... as long as I'm not driving anyway)!
Jeanne: Peeing in public! Ha!

Well I think it's safe to say that my friends know me pretty well. If I were to guess I would have to go with the urinating in public myself. It's been known to happen from time to time. As for flashing the ta-ta's... back in the day that was certainly a possibility... however I only flashed on water (lakes, rivers, etc).

BUT... the ONLY correct answer is...

Public Intoxication! And that's because I actually DID get taken away by the popo for this! Many moons ago I got pulled over for driving down the wrong side of the street. I quickly realized that I was on the wrong side and pulled over to the correct side. But it was too late... I was busted. And that was not a good thing. Why? Because I was WASTED! I absolutely should not have been driving... and I absolutely should have been given a DWI. But for some reason they didn't give me that. Didn't even test me. They just had my truck towed. Drove me down to the station. Had me call a friend to pick me up. And gave me two tickets. One for driving down the wrong side of the street. And the other for public intoxication. I'm not shitting you. That's what happened. Then they made me sit in a cell (where I passed out in about 30 seconds) and wait for my friends to pick me up. All I can say is that I was one lucky dumb ass! It was pretty funny when I had to go to court and the judge read my violations out loud! He had this look on his face like how the hell did that happen! I quickly plead guilty to the PI... told him I'd take the driving class for the other violation... paid my fine and got the fuck out of there as fast as I could!

Kids... DON'T try this at home!

2010-08-04T15:48:00.004-05:00

OR at the local pool!

I never realized how talented my co-workers were!

Hearsay Gastro Lounge

2010-07-29T10:46:00.015-05:00

Upon first entering Hearsay I will admit I had my hopes up. I absolutely loved the decor. Extremely high ceilings (at least 2-story's high) which included a loft with additional seating. Brick wall with accents of wood & antique mirrored planks. A gigantic crystal chandelier hung in the center of the room. Generally I'm not a fan of crystal chandeliers... but I thought this one fit perfectly. And various sized light bulb globes hung from black wiring and scattered lengths throughout the room. It was a simple design with all the right touches.We were greeted by Katheryn the bartender who seemed to be the only person working at the time. She was very pleasant and helpful when trying to decide what to drink. She suggested the Fleur-De-Cross which is Saint Germain Elderflower, Double Cross Vodka, Dry Lavender Soda & Champagne. This drink was light and very tasty. Tasty enough for me to have 4 of them!

The food was not quite as enjoyable. We started with Chef Nick's Appetizer Platter - Smoked Salmon Crostini, Shrimp and Chicken Spring Rolls, Saint Arnold Beer Battered Asparagus, Seasonal Stuffed Mushrooms... and the Crab Cake Quattro. Most of it was OK but nothing blew us away. Our dinners consisted of Warm Baked Goat Cheese Salad (which Bonnie said was actually very good), Mac and Four Cheese (blah... dry & tasteless), Grilled Mahi-Mahi Hearsay Fish Tacos (Dar said they smelled funny... NOT impressed) and Beef Nachos (which again were only OK).

Parking sucked... but I guess that's not unusual for downtown.

In the end I'm not sure that I would recommend this place... for a meal... but it would be OK for some cocktails with friends. The drinks were tasty (but pricey at the same time). Atmosphere was pleasant... and the staff (at least those we dealt with) were friendly. But the food... not good... Sorry Chef Nick.

Painting with a Twist

2010-07-24T09:01:00.012-05:00

My friends Chris, Heather, Kristy and I decided to try something different last night. So we ventured to the Land of Sugar for a painting class (thanks Groupon)! As much as my painting was scaring me in the beginning it actual turned out decent (but didn't look much like the painting on the website). I was even getting rave reviews from people around me... but considering we were ALL drinking wine I'm not going to let it inflate my ego any. It actually turned out to be a really fun night!

And I give you my version of... Looking Up!

Costume Supercenter!

2010-07-19T19:45:00.004-05:00

Who knew writing reviews would get me paid!! I just received this letter in the mail along with a $100 check! Why? Because I wrote a review of the Indian costume I ordered for my birthday party. How kick ass is that?? And just to think I was a little leery using this place for the first time. Who the hell knows how much money I've spent at buycostumes.com... I just know it's a lot... but have they ever sent me a thank you check... nope! See ya later Buy Costumes... Costume Supercenter is my new Halloween headquarters! Thanks!

Missy

2010-07-13T08:34:00.002-05:00

I'm sure everyone and their mother has seen this by now... but if not take a look... this has gotta be one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time! I sure hope Shannon the Secretary learned her lesson... don't ask the biggest smart-ass in the company for a favor!

http://jezebel.com/5582562/clueless-secretary-makes-for-hilarious-office-email-thread

And just and FYI... you don't have to hate cats to think this is hilarious!

Hmmm....

2010-07-06T16:39:00.002-05:00

I don't think they're going to get a subscription from me!

Barbie turns 40!

2010-07-02T07:28:00.006-05:00

Well that's not actually accurate... I looked it up and Barbie is actually 51 years old. But maybe this pictures is 11 years old. Yes... that's it. So I'd say I'm fairing pretty well. Regardless I think it's time Barb invests in a bigger bed!

JJ Grey & Mofro

2010-07-01T09:12:00.007-05:00

So I've been going through the ACL (Austin City Limits) Line-Up trying to figure out who I want to see this year (I didn't think the fact that I only recognized about 10 of the bands on the list was a good thing... I know sad... guess that's what happens when you turn 40). Anyway when I came across JJ Grey & Mofro I got really excited because I really liked them. Each page also has a video clip from the artist on it. So on the bands I've really liked and want more of I go and listen/watch the video too. This one is fantastic! Love the song... and left me wondering how the hell they got those Barbie's to do that! Enjoy!!

(To my ACL buddies... this band is going on our MUST SEE list)!!